Why Do Thoughts Hurt?
Did you know that the average person has between 60,000 and 70,000 thoughts per day? That’s staggering. Just think about the thoughts you’ve had in the past few hours. How many of those are still active in your mind? Likely, 99% of them are gone. So, why do we get so caught up in our thoughts?
If thoughts are nothing more than mental events—no different than seeing a leaf on a tree—then why do they have the power to cause pain? A leaf doesn’t hurt you when you look at it; it simply exists. Similarly, thoughts are just thoughts. They only hurt when we identify with them.
Before diving into why thoughts can hurt, it’s important to distinguish between two types of thinking: personal (egoic) thoughts and analytical thoughts.
Personal thoughts are those that arise seemingly out of nowhere. They often demand attention and feel emotionally charged. Once you give them your energy, they seem to settle—at least temporarily. These thoughts are typically generated by the ego and are rooted in attachment, identity, and fear.
Analytical thoughts, on the other hand, come from conscious use of the mind. This is when you are using the mind to solve problems, plan, or create—rather than the mind using you. There’s a huge difference between asking your mind, “What’s 2 + 2?” versus your ego dragging you into a spiral of worry or resentment. One is under your control; the other is ego-driven noise.
So again, why do thoughts hurt? After all, most of the thousands of thoughts we have each day don’t hurt. It’s only a few that seem to carry pain. But have you ever paused to ask why those specific thoughts hurt?
Here’s the core insight:
The root of all suffering is thought.
More precisely, it’s our preference about how life should be. This isn’t new—Buddha spent years seeking the cause of suffering and came back with one clear answer: desire. In modern terms, we suffer because of likes and dislikes—because we want life to be one way and not another.
If you had no preference, you wouldn't suffer. And while that may seem extreme—of course we like what we like—it’s our deep attachment to how we think life should unfold that causes the most pain. You’ve had experiences that felt great, and now you want to recreate them. You’ve had painful ones, and now you resist anything that reminds you of them. Over time, this builds the structure of the ego—a complex web of preferences, aversions, and identity.
This is why thoughts can hurt. A thought, in itself, is neutral. But when it’s filtered through the ego—through your story of what should or shouldn’t be—it becomes charged. You aren’t responding to the moment; you’re reacting to your ego’s judgment of it.
Let’s take a closer look.
A thought arises. The ego filters it through its catalog of preferences. If it aligns with your desired identity or life plan, the ego releases positive energy. If it threatens that image or stirs discomfort, the ego resists—and that resistance is what we experience as pain.
In this way, you become a prisoner of the ego’s constant commentary. It’s not the moment that hurts you—it’s you hurting yourself about the moment. The next time you feel bothered, ask yourself: Is this moment actually a problem? Or is it just not what I wanted it to be?
You’ll find that most of the time, it’s not the moment—it’s your resistance to it.
So what’s the solution?
The answer is simple, but not always easy: relax.
Not relax the anger, but relax behind the anger. Anger itself cannot relax—it’s a high-energy emotion. But the part of you that sees the anger, the witness behind the emotion, can relax. That’s the real you.
Don’t try to push the emotion away. Don’t cling to it either. Just let it pass through, like weather. As you practice this—pause, breathe, and relax—you’ll find that thoughts don’t hurt as much, and they don’t stay as long. Eventually, they become like writing on water: there for a moment, then gone.
Remember this:
The path to freedom from the ego isn’t difficult for those who learn to accept everything.
Thank you for doing this deep work.
Adam Hergenrother